A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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