I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
