Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
