i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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