This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
