my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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