He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh god it's open bar.
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