We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
