I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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