Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize