Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
