im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
