if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
