if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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