Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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