if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
