i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
