i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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