take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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