Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
