dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
