everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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