Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
