Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
