so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
