we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
