This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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