Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
