please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
