I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
