the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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