she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
