this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
