Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
