Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
