he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
