yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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