Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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