I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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