Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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