she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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