he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
