"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
