I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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