Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
