That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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