last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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