clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
