We're facebook friends in real life
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
