At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
