you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
