You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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