kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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