So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
