I didn't shave. On purpose
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
