Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
