Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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