Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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