You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am available for nakedness
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
