Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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