You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you never un-have a 4some
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
