I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
