he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
