wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
