My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize