never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
