He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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