I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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