She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
