We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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