Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
