They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
