I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
