Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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