I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
