She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
