I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
