I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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