I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
