the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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