She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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