he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
