The maid of honor just puked.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's rum buckets o'clock
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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