so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
