I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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