I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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