If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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