I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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