John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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