Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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