She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize