he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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