my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
two words...techno handjob
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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