I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
