mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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