why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
