dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
