Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
