thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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