Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
