This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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