Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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