It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Walk of Shame today included voting.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
