May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
