That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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