She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize