I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
